IVF Chronicles No. 3: Egg Retrieval
- Talia Markham Baer
- Jul 2, 2020
- 11 min read
Coming to you, readers, fresh from our grand opening celebration that took place yesterday at our NAPA store! Check out our Facebook page to see some of the updates, but here’s a photo of Andy and I in front of our store with a gift from our local bank, Home National, who we’ve been greatly supported throughout this whole process. We both cried when we opened this gift, as that was the last thing we were expecting and had just said, “We’re going to have to get something made for our baby girl because NAPA Wear doesn’t have kids clothing yet.” Well, we have Home National to thank for this very touching gift, and see, it pays to bank local!
Yesterday was a whirlwind of a day, but we have been so pleased with the reception we’ve gotten from the community and other area small businesses. It’s been great to feel supported by a community! But, we couldn’t do this without our amazing group of employees who have stepped up to the plate in a big way and have greatly supported our community and customers. Without them, Andy and I couldn’t continue to work our regular jobs, and we are so very thankful for them and their dedication to making sure this business is a success for everyone all around!
And coming into the 4th of July – one of my favorite holidays – I can’t help but feel so thankful to be living in the United States and have the opportunity to own and operate a small business of my/our choosing. Despite what’s going on in the world and US, when you really think about it, the freedoms we enjoy even today – even in this mess – aren’t without so much sacrifice. Thank you to all of our military who work to keep us safe!
I hope you’ll all remember that you can never out-love anyone. If we choose to operate in that way of thinking and work hard at making sure we’re doing our part to make our communities better places to live, then I think we’re….even just in the slightest bit….paying back those who lost so much, so we could enjoy so much.
As I said in the last post, we’ll be discussing our egg retrieval and what all that day entailed.
As you know, to date in our story, we really haven’t heard from God about whether this was a supported decision or not to proceed with. We didn’t have a “No, don’t do this” feeling, but there just wasn’t a clear directive of, “Yes, Son and Daughter, I’m in this and I’m taking control,” so the prayers for help and listening continued to be constant.
I am a court reporter by profession and now work in the courtroom full-time for an amazing judge in the Parkersburg, WV area. I love my job, what I do, and the people I work with. I can’t wait to get to work each day, even when the subject matter can be really grim at times.
At least two days a week, our docket is full of abuse and neglect cases. Some are really bad and just break your heart. Others just make you mad because you’re like, “Seriously, drugs are more important than your kids?” Or, “Really, is it that hard to choose your kids over something/someone else?” And sometimes, you’re left feeling like the victim(s) in the case and cannot mentally remove yourself from the situation and it weighs on you.
Well, the day before our egg retrieval was one of those days.
We had had this couple in our courtroom before for the adjudicatory hearing. Essentially, that means that mom or dad, or both – in this case, mom and boyfriend – aren’t admitting that anything looks fishy with this situation, or admitting to any wrongdoing, but are requesting a “trial” on the facts within the Petition that legally removed the child from their care.
This was the third full afternoon of evidence being presented and after it was over, I was just devastated. I really can't go into the details of the case because it is sealed and not public record, but this whole case centered around a two-year-old that suffered a traumatic brain injury and the circumstances of how and why were devastating and maddening all at the same time.
Knowing I’d be gone the next day and needed to prepare for the substitute reporter, I turned on Pandora to one of my praise and worship stations and just started to pray. I said, “God, I’m sorry, but I’m so mad. Here we are, people who want to be parents. People who do right. People who will raise their child to know You, and here these parents are that have done the unthinkable to their child. Why is it so easy for people who aren’t good, who don’t want to be parents, who don’t care about anyone but themselves, or do drugs while their child is in utero and even after, why is it so easy for them to have children and so hard for us? Are you even listening to me? Are you even hearing me?” By this time, I’m bawling and thankful the courtroom is cleared and everyone’s left the building for the day.
Just at the time I finish saying, “Are you even listening to me? Are you even hearing me,” this song comes on - “I’m listening” by Chris McClarney, featuring Hollyn.
When You speak, confusion fades Just a word and suddenly I'm not afraid 'Cause You speak and freedom reigns There is hope in every single word You say
I don't wanna miss one word You speak 'Cause everything You say is life to me I don't wanna miss one word You speak Quiet my heart, I'm listening
When sorrows roar and troubles rage You whisper peace when I don't have the words to say I won't lose hope when storms won't break You keep Your word, oh and Your promises will keep me safe
(Bridge)
Your ways are higher You know just what I need I trust You, Jesus You see what I cannot see
For me, that was the most moving way I’ve heard from Him in a long time and I knelt down from my desk chair, raised my hands, and praised Him more than I had in a long, long time.
Music is my thing. I hate silence and praise and worship is ALWAYS playing when I’m alone, in the car, in the house, doing a project, whatever. I want to be connected to Him and that’s the way for me to feel the strongest connection.
I remember sending my mom and some others this revelation via text, and I slept like a baby that night. No worries. No up and down thinking “Are we going to find any eggs? Are we going to get anything?” I was at peace.
On the way to the appointment, I had created a playlist, which we listened to on our way to the Columbus Surgery Center, held hands, and knew He has this, He has us. These two song had been “our songs” throughout this whole ordeal and I even had a portion of the lyrics typed up in the smallest print and taped to my car dash so I wouldn’t ever forget.
Once we got to the surgery center, they prepped me and my doctor came in. When she opened up the curtain, she quickly shut it because she thought I was someone else 😊 Me without hair and makeup is a very different me than the one that’s “done up.” We had a laugh about that, but then she delivered some sad news.
Normally after an egg retrieval, you usually do an embryo transfer five days post-transfer, so we were set to have the transfer on Wednesday of the following week. Excited for this journey to be rounding out soon, when she said we’d have to wait a month or more before we could do our transfer because my progesterone level was too high to support a viable pregnancy, I was crushed. It wasn’t a “never,” it was just a “later” kind of news, but the plans for soon being shattered were hard to accept.
You see, how she explained it to me is that your uterus and your progesterone levels are on different wavelengths, but they have to line up in order to ensure you’re in the best standing for the embryo to be inserted and, hopefully, create a viable pregnancy. Yes, that was our end goal, so we dealt with the news and fully trusted her, but that kind of put a damper on the exciting egg retrieval and Andy had to be quickly whisked out of the room as I headed for surgery.
No, it’s not a “real” surgery, but they do put you under anesthesia – which everyone who said they just had a local or a pill and then had it done, highly suggest the way I had it done. Yes, the anesthesia is an extra expense, but they were able to retrieve 14 eggs and when we finally found that out, we were relieved! 14. WOW! We were thinking if we had 10, we’d be good and hoping that at least 5 of those to reach viability stage.
The eggs were then shuttled over to Ohio Reproductive Diagnostics and housed in their lab. From there, it was a waiting game to see how many actually fertilized. Well, of our 14 eggs, 13 fertilized, so as you can see, the issue was not on the hubster’s side 😉 13! We still couldn’t believe it!
Knowing we were not doing the transfer on that Wednesday, they were still set to call us each day to let us know the progress of our embryos, and I chose to go ahead to this court reporter conference in Charleston that I had originally put off in case we were to be set to be having our transfer.
Monday rolls around and they call and say not much progress has been made, but we have 7 days total from when they were retrieved for them to grow to whatever viability stage they’re going to.
Tuesday rolls around and they have reached different “grades” and here’s what they were.
Not sure about you, but to me, that looks like a bunch of numbers and I’m not sure what they mean and what they don’t mean. We had been told that you want to get to Grade 1, 2 , or 3, so some were looking good, and I was hoping others would advance into a lower numbered grade.
Well, Wednesday arrives and the embryos have done nothing. None of the 13 are really in the “usable” grade at this point. I sent this same long message to about 30 people that I knew would actually pray and help carry us through this.
And Thursday arrives and it’s looking even worse. I never did hear back from the embryo bank and here’s the message I sent to all the original people who were wrapped up in our crisis.
I remember texting my mom who was on a Mediterranean cruise at the time with my aunt and grandma, and just bawling. I was having to go in and out of the conference room to take these calls from the embryo bank and would always come back in with blotchy eyes. My court reporter friends quickly became involved in the saga too because they knew what a critical time this was and I had to tell them what was going on after too many obvious crying sessions had gone on.
Thursday afternoon the conference was over and I did pretty good at holding it together until I got in the car and headed for home.
I remember sending a voice memo to one of my best girlfriends, begging her to have her church choir ladies pray when she went to choir practice that night. It was something like this: “Cara, I just have to send the message this way because I can’t type it all out and I know Siri won’t understand me amidst the crying.” Then the sobbing starts….”I have done a pretty good job of holding it together until now and I am headed home and just refuse to believe that this is what He has for us. He clearly said he was listening and now we’re down to maybe not even one to be able to use and we’ll have to do this all over again? No. I’m not accepting it! This is not His will. Just please pray and have your ladies pray because I am desperate. I am so desperate I don’t even know what to do other than this. It is totally out of my control and totally in His control and I refuse to believe this is the outcome we’re going to face, left with nothing.”
By the point I clicked off on the recording, I was bawling so hard I couldn’t even see to drive, so I pull over. After many minutes of heaving crying and not being able to get a grip, a State Trooper pulls up behind me. I think, “Great. This is exactly what I need!” He comes to the door and says, “Ma’am, can I help you with anything?” It’s very obvious I’ve been crying. I say, “No. Just got some really bad news and needed to pull over before I wrecked.” He said, “Well, do you want me to follow you home?” I said, “No, I greatly appreciate that though. I just need to cry it out and then get back on the road when I’m more calm.” He said, “Okay. Well, please be careful.” I nodded and he returned to his patrol car.
The drive home from there was still tear-filled and when I reached home, Andy was on the mower. He stopped, came to me, I’m still bawling, and held me. He said, “It’s going to be okay. Even if we get one.” I said, “Just of all the outcomes, this is NEVER one I saw coming. 14 eggs and maybe NONE of them will work? What went wrong?”
We head to bed early that evening, but I don’t sleep. I just stay awake praying that those embryos show the staff there that they’re not in control, He is, and spend the whole next morning – Friday – on pins and needles.
The call comes and we got ONE. We have at least one.
To say that I was relieved is somewhat true, but to say that I was disappointed would be very true. I called my mom immediately and said, “Well, we have one. And I’m going to praise Him for the one because that’s better than none.” She said she appreciated the outlook and to just choose to praise him today even though the outcome wasn’t as grand as I was hoping for.
Did it sting? Oh yeah. Was it kind of like a prolonged pain that lasted a few days? Yes. But was I thankful all at the same time? You bet.
Normally, you’d start more injections that will help your body prepare for the embryo transfer, but because ours was going to have to be about a month and a half out, we were able to delay the extra injections till closer to time for our transfer.
If you’re now wondering, “Are you going to do this again?” The answer is: Yes. We are going to try on our own for six to eight months after our baby girl is born, but then after that, if we haven’t gotten pregnant on our own, we are being encouraged to come back for a Round 2. And yes, I’ll have to do everything I’ve already mentioned all over again.
After the sting wore off from the 14 eggs down to 1 viable embryo, our IVF doctor, Dr. Rossi, had a long phone call with us. She actually called us late one night from her home – patched through the office number – and we were so appreciative that she took about an hour to answer our questions and explain to us what happened.
Honestly, it’s a mystery and why science is a good thing, but it’s not a guarantee. She said that next time, she’d be putting me on a different protocol of medicine, hoping that will help the eggs develop better and we’ll have more than just one next time, reach viability stage.
During my next post, I’ll detail the embryo transfer, what lead up to that in terms of injections, etc., and when we found out we were pregnant. In terms of posts for our IVF Chronicles, I’m not sure if that will be the last one, or if there will be one more, but I certainly have enjoyed getting the feedback from others going through this whole process, or looking at going through it.
As I’m hoping you’ve noticed, I’m an open book, so feel free to contact me at any time on The Transparent Path Facebook page, or here on the Contact page.
Nevertheless, I hope you all have an amazing 4th of July and be thankful for the freedoms we all so easily take for granted! God is GOOD all the time.